Urvi Shah (Author, Beyond the Matches)
Quick guide:
Mistakes, but whom to blame?
Even though it was a quick end to the test match between India and England, it gave a lesson of lifetime. What followed post match was a lot of discussion about the pitch, the nature of the pink ball and so on. A lot of ‘external factors’ were in discussion. It just felt like everyone was looking for something to blame it on and “pitch” became that something for them. The pitch was indeed challenging, adding to it was playing with a pink ball and under the lights but it wasn’t the only reason for England losing or India performing poorly (batting collapse).
While all of this was into discussion, we forgot to acknowledge enough that it was entirely bowler’s game as they capitalized on what was present and gave their best. The mistakes made by batsmen on technical grounds, wrong shot selection and not believing in their own game needs nothing to be blamed on but something to be worked on.
If you don’t believe in your strength, read the situation and put your best foot forward, you will stand in a vulnerable position while someone else will capitalize on the same situation.
Read: A grand ‘pitch’ure of the bizarre pink ball test
What still rings in my ears is Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma and Joe Root mentioning about how it was a bad display of batting by both the teams and how they did not capitalize after they had steadied the game. Both looked settled at one point but soon, the bowlers had an upper hand.
The player is the key factor in the any game, everything else falls in the category of external factors. You can either keep blaming them for your failure or accept you failed and start thinking about how to better it.
We are wired to look for causes as we are taught that everything happens because of something. Most of the times we look for a factor/reason outside ourselves for something not working out. E.g. When we have an argument with our friends, we tend to ask if someone told them something or find someone to blame for the fallout of the relationship.
“Blaming others is nothing more than excusing yourself.” – Robin Sharma
Lets take a scenario: It has just stopped raining and you are driving a bike. Suddenly the bike hits a pothole and you fall.
Often people who have a habit of blaming, would blame it on rain/pothole saying: “It was raining or the pothole was not covered and that’s why I fell”. While rain/open pothole will be partly the cause of it, but the fact that you weren’t concentrating or were driving rashly is equally a cause for the fall. But most easy way out of the situation is to blame it on the rain and the pothole not being covered.
While blaming seems like an easier way to step out of the responsibility of failure, it doesn’t help one in growing and achieve something in life. If one gets into the habit of blaming someone else or other factors and not take responsibility themselves, they tend to find more excuses resulting in putting a full stop to their own growth. While something can be extremely challenging but that solely cannot be the reason for your failure/loss.
Why to we engage in blaming?
While there are many reasons as to why we engage in blaming pattern, one of the reason is that its a great defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are unconscious strategies whereby people protect themselves from anxious thoughts or feelings. Defense mechanisms aren’t inherently bad—they can allow people to navigate painful experiences or channel their energy more productively. (Psychology Today)
We blame it on to something or someone because that the best way to avoid reflecting on self and our weaknesses. Sometimes, we are good at convincing that it is someone else’s fault but deep down we know that it was our fault. In the moment of crisis or a situation that is difficult, we feel that it is easier to tell a lie or blame it on someone than to deal with the consequences of it and it feels like an easier way out of the stressful situation.
Mistakes are a part of life. If we don’t make mistake, we will never learn what is the right thing to do. Its okay to fail and accept that you did not perform well be it at school/college/university or at work and in sports too. Acknowledging your efforts and then accepting the mistakes that lead to a bad performance, will help you see these opportunities to better yourself and keep growing in your field.
How can we avoid resorting to blaming?
Well, here are some tips that may be helpful:
- Recognizing and accepting that you often involve in the blame game
- Re-frame the moment of failure as an opportunity to learn (Pull yourself back every time you feel like blaming others for your failure and see what you can learn from it if you start accepting it and taking the responsibility of that mistake/failure while performing)
- Apologize (If you find yourself shifting the blame on to something else/ someone else knowing it was your fault, apologize. It may be discomforting at the beginning but with time you will learn to own up in the first go)
- Be aware (Sometime we make a big issue from a smaller one and assume the consequences to be far worse in nature than it would actually be. Instead of pushing it away due to the fear it will be bad owning it up, be aware of yourself and your thoughts and make a conscious effort to accept it)
We all are learning and growing. While what Virat Kohli did in post match interview did set me thinking, it also gave us a lesson about how to be a good team leader, acknowledge the good efforts and also point out the mistake made. Him coming out and owning it up and Rohit in post match conference along with Root mentioning about it too, tells us that it isn’t that bad to accept our mistakes and failure in life but by doing that, its easier to move on from it and focus on making it better.
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